They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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