Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize