The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
