Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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