You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
