i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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