I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
