I'm so fucking centered right now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
