I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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