Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize