ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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