You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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