I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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