Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
