He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
