I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
