You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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