Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
