Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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