'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
