Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
