What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
