If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
