I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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