When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
