Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
