My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
how drunk are you?
Several
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
