you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
