Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
vagina is talking i cant
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
