no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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