why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize