if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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