Do you still have your period?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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