it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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