Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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