I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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