i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
