We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
