I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
