i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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