His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
