I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Randomize
