I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
