I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
