I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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