I think I am morally bankrupt
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
