If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
