I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
