I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize