My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
