You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
