Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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