Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
