haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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