Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
