the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize