And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
