all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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