I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
