Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
