I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
