Cold hands, warm shart.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
