I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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