It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
