You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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