TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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