I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize