My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
