Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
