he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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