Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
