Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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