The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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