Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
