i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
